I would love to change the title of this entry but nothing else quite nails it. I don’t want to seem like a crybaby; I have been complimented by strangers and friends alike for being generally calm and altogether zen in spite of having an active life with two kids under the age of 3. I never take what they say too seriously because I only have two children and my sister has 4, plus many other women have more difficult circumstances. Apples and oranges I know, I shouldn’t compare but I do.
Nobody sees me lose it and cry, and I mean weep, on some of the days when I am alone with both children at home. It doesn’t happen every day, but yes on those days when I am feeling isolated, exhausted and disappointed in myself I end up crying, shoulder shaking-style. It happens A LOT more than I bargained for when I first found out I was going to be a mama, even though I was aware that my hormones were going to go on a gigantic roller coaster ride and that my life would never be the same.
Now the good news, I didn’t cry once in July!
Pourquoi?
Quite simply because I had more hands on deck and the wellbeing of my children didn’t depend on just me for most of the day like it does at home.
We had the pleasure of traveling first to Canada to be with my parents and one of my outrageously delightful nieces and then we were off to France to spend time with my husband’s friends and family. There was almost always a grandparent around to go exploring with our energetic 2 1/2 year old, an aunt to take her to the pool and a cousin nearby to innately bounce up and down in front of our giggling 6 month old just when he began to need some more interactivity.
Now I’m back home in beloved Los Angeles, this gorgeous and complex city where I grew up. We have a sprawling metropolis brimming with fascinating people but it can be an isolating place to live. Most of my friends, family and fellow doulas live a long drive away and all of them are very busy with their own careers and families. I am making more friends in the neighborhood but it is still a schedule bender to find out when we can get together, and as parenting goes it’s not an all-hands-on-deck situation unless you have help or live with your extended family. When I have new friends over I busy myself to clean, get tea and food together and I certainly wouldn’t ask them to do me any favors; the type of help that I wouldn’t hesitate to ask my family for.
So what to do? As I grow farther postpartum and grow in my skills of mothering two I will cry less often. Also I feel so healthy when I take care of myself in the form of making sticky honey face masks, bike rides to the store, walking our dog Gromette, having a Girls Night Out and of course a Date Night avec mon amour. The things I do to feel feminine, fun and vibrant all in turn help my children because it’s quite simple: how I’m doing is how they are doing, and how they are doing is how I’m doing.
Cheers to the coming months, may we all have as many hands on deck as possible and may our tears turn into rejoicing!
Leave a Reply