Taping a podcast with Dr. Elliot Berlin on Pregnancy Taboos, some of the more difficult things that happen postpartum came up. The birth of your baby begins with oxytocin fueled bliss, the introduction to the sweet one you have been carrying around for months upon months. Many couples take birthing classes to get ready for that moment, but few take parenting classes or know very much about what happens afterward. I dove into how you bleed for weeks, have the sweats worse than Rocky, your hormones crash to pre-pregnancy levels after being three times as high as they have ever been after the climax of birth (hello baby blues!) and then your hair starts to fall out in chinchilla clumps. The podcast co-host and one of the other guests were very pregnant at the time and the look of horror on their faces stopped me from elaborating.
One problem is that in our society most people don’t hear enough about the details of what really happens postpartum. Also, in our individualistic society most of us haven’t seen a birth, helped someone afterwards or taken care of a newborn until the newborn is our own. Even most of the doorstop-sized books you buy during pregnancy don’t write enough about the postpartum era. Maybe there is an extra chapter in the back on “Baby Care” which can seem anticlimactic after reading about the birth and is often breezed through or ignored.
Everything and everyone focuses on the pregnancy, labor and the birth.
When you’re expecting it’s where the glitz, grit and glamour is, and understandably so.
Growing and carrying a baby is a miracle; a huge responsibility with millions of new things to learn, discern and do. Labor and birth, that is where the uncertainty lies, so of course we are going to try and educate, empower ourselves and control as much as possible. Ironically if anything ever teaches you that you’re NOT in control, it’s this part of your life, especially the birth and how all of that goes down. But isn’t it backwards to focus mainly on what happens up until that point since afterwards is when you are actually in charge of taking care of your child? Not only that, your body is now healing from the birth and you are going through a huge life transition emotionally.
That may be true, but postpartum gets lost in the shuffle and by the time you’re in it, it’s too late to read many, if any, books. You’re too exhausted. You might be busy hosting people in your house and you’re up on your feet too much so you’re bleeding again. You feel the pressure to be posting cute baby and me photos but you feel pretty beat up. Overnight sometimes your baby goes from being the smoothest sweetie in the world to a goopy-eyed, red-cheeked, scaly-scalped sweet little one. You’re not sure why, Is this really normal?! you ask, and reading about it online is scary. Lastly, there’s an irrevocable break between who you were and who you are now. You go from the Special Person status of pregnancy to being another mom. At first people say how great you look after giving birth but then your weight loss plateaus. There will be days where all you do is drink, eat, breastfeed, and change diapers, over and over. It’s a challenge for someone who is used to be fabulous and efficient to do only four things in one day, dressed in your breastmilk-sprayed tank top and yoga pants ensemble.
It doesn’t have to be only rough going though, if you are in bed focusing on healing, feeding your sweet baby, and sleeping as much as possible because your partner, mom, aunt, sister or postpartum doula is catering to your needs for the weeks following the birth. Most other countries get this and have an infrastructure of support set up (for approximately 40 days postpartum) that is an intrinsic part of the culture. If you have support, then it still won’t be easy, but you’ll get through it with fewer tears and scars because you are being taken care of and being listened to as you’re learning how to take care of and bonding with your helpless, better-than-you-could-have-imagined, beloved bébé.
If you don’t have a family member who can be there all day (and ideally all night), then look into hiring a postpartum doula. They aren’t only for the rich and famous. You can ask your local midwives or birth communities if there are any new doulas who need to do their pro bono or at least majorly discounted hours. New doulas are fresh out of training and will be an energetic part of your support team.
More on the postpartum period future posts since it’s my passion, but for now this is a cry out to all of the pregnant mamas and future papas to actively plan now to get as MUCH postpartum support as possible. Especially if you had a baby in the NICU, a C-section, if your partner isn’t around, if your family isn’t around, if your family IS around but is not healthy/helpful, if you had a traumatic birth, if breastfeeding is very challenging or if your baby has special needs. That doesn’t let you off your own hook though if you don’t have any of those special considerations. EVERY new parent needs The Village, the committed All-Hands-On-Deck birth plus postpartum crew and ultimately the love and support of others who are there for YOU so you can be at your best while doing something auspicious in this world, taking care of the the littlest, most vulnerable and extremely lovable new member of your family.
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